Existential....crisis?

Hi again! Didn’t expect me back so soon did you? I actually can’t believe entry # 2 is here already! Turns out that my brain has lots of thoughts but they’re all over the place. I’m going to try to put them in some sort of understandable order but I must warn that you may end up with a headache after reading my entries! I would apologize but it’s who I am and you’re the one choosing to read this through so it’s your own fault! ;)

A couple of days ago I got to see a performance of DreamGirls and of course, it was great! The show was put on through a local theatre company www.artsclub.ca in Vancouver and they put on a few shows each year on three separate stages in the city and it’s an awesome thing to experience if you love live shows. The ticket prices are decent and the caliber of the shows is great! I definitely recommend it so check out their site if you’re in the area! (PS I don’t own any images or all the stuff I’m supposed to say that about.)

                                     

I bring this up because I had another “ugh why am I not on stage with them?” moment, the same I have with each and every show I watch, singer I see live and talent program I catch on TV. This was a double whammy since it’s a musical about singers….sheesh. Yes, I would be so happy to be on stage but I do nothing about it, this is the story of my life. I see, I want and I don’t conquer. Remember I mentioned I love my current job and would only leave it for my dream job? Performing live is the dream job *sigh* DREAM job is right!

After high school I applied to a few post-secondary theatre programs and got to the audition part at 3 of the 4 I applied to. My past experience and academic grades were good enough to get me there but then I did what most young people do….doubt myself. I freaked myself out to the point of missing all three auditions and not pursuing the arts. Do I regret it? UMM YES! How could I not? It’s an unfortunate thing but I drilled into mind that I wouldn’t get anywhere with it and I would ultimately fail so I didn’t try. 

Through the years I did a few things in the field like performances at multi-cultural shows for the city I lived in at the time, did back-up vocals for a friend a couple of times for her live gigs and sang my rendition of “happy birthday” to friends on their voicemail. Haha ok that one wasn’t the same thing but it was still fun!

I’m now 28 (in case you’re trying to figure out when this all went down) with a good job and good home; I’m still struggling with not understanding my role in life.  It seems like this isn’t it for me, it’s not where I will end up. That could be my mind playing on the what-could-have-been or it may very well be something trying to tell me I have to do something about it! So I recently decided to pay attention to my voice as I don’t want to ruin it for life, and signed up for voice lessons. We shall see how this goes and I’ll share any fun bits with you along the way. Also, if I ever find the courage to try performing in front of people, I’ll make sure to let you know.

Basically the point of sharing this is that most of us go through something like this and it doesn’t end when you make one decision, it continues until you find your peace and comfort. I’m still looking for mine and like my fellow blogger Mel says “You have to start somewhere” You should check out her blog about her journey from trying to run and being out of breath to running 16km two years later! She’s inspiring, I’m even reading the book “Born to Run” that she recommends. (40yroldrunner.blogspot.ca)

Ok gang, that’s it for today! I think I rambled yet again, I hope you’re prepared for future entries! Thanks for stopping by and see you soon!